Why ‘Main Character Energy’ Might Be Ruining Real Relationships?

In an age of curated feeds and cinematic selfies, “M ain Character Energy” has come as a modern-day credo. It is pushing people to live boldly and embrace self-love, and while that seems empowering, it invites trouble. Why? Because presumably, everyone wants to feel significant in their personal narrative. In reality, “Main Character Energy” has the potential to negatively impact our relationships in real life, as this idea seems to take root across platforms, such as TikTok and Instagram.

At its core, Main Character Energy asks individuals to center themselves. It presses individuals to see their lives each day through a spotlight lens as the protagonist, where everything revolves around them. For people who feel unnoticed, this feels liberating. It's regaining a sense that they deserve space, that they deserve to be heard, and that they can live unapologetically. However, while seeking to reclaim their agency, are we silencing others or putting them on the sidelines?

The issue isn't a lack of confidence; it's the slight differentiation between self-love and self-importance. All relationships require empathy, compromise, and shared attention, regardless of whether that relationship is romantic-based, platonic or familial. When one person is consistently led, the other person or people are left in an unrewarding background state. This can lead to resentment, become emotionally distant, recognize their disconnection from an emotionally unavailable partner, parent and/or friend.

One of the biggest downsides of Main Character Syndrome, as pointed out by the author in the Medium piece, is emotional avoidance. When people place themselves in the position of the misunderstood Main Character, they may rationalize their dismissal of constructive criticism, disengagement from conflict, and unilateral termination of relationships without taking time to go through the process of reflection. This "no one understands them" perspective positions everyone else as an antagonist or obstacle in a story that exists to advance only one person's arc.

As a result, they may simply walk away instead of working through their misunderstanding to stay in a relationship with someone. To them, there was ill-gained "peace" in walking away from the downstream effects of emotional immaturity. They could even go as far as to label it "protecting their peace," which ultimately means disengaging from themselves and others.

This mindset is compounded by the fact that social media is full of 'filtered' lives and performative feelings. People share life in snippets, from documenting their morning routines and breakups, to sharing their success stories, not only for documentation, but for how it looks in an aesthetic sense. Partners become props in romanticised dumps pixels with no regard to the depth of the relationship itself. Moments are staged for likes, not lived in for what they are for. This trade-off leads to placing importance not on the meaningful connection you created for yourself, but on how it looks from an outsider's perspective.

The expectations from having the Main Character Energy can exceed the boundaries of reality as well. People expect things like grand gestures, constant validation, and 'real' dramatic love stories, while forgetting that a lot of real relationships are built in the quiet and unfiltered moments of life, especially when real life doesn't feel like a movie. Anything less than 'cinematic' leaves them feeling disappointed. This, in turn, leaves their partners feeling invalidated and as if they aren't doing enough to live up to a script that they never shared.

So, what’s the alternative? We don’t have to rule out self-value or pride about our journey. We just have to be aware of how to consider the humanity of others. Being the “main character” does not imply that you are correct, that you are adored, or that you are always being heard. Sometimes it means listening more than talking, allowing someone space to be emotional, or becoming aware of the barriers your ego puts up that keep you from connecting.

Relationships are not scripted films with perfect plots and glamorous outcomes. They unfold in immensity, layers, and without scripts. They live in that place not of grandiosity, but of the grey—in the mundane, in the messy, in the real. If we remain in the view that love and friendship are storied and must give meaning to our own image, we are giving up a deeper humanness, which is all that matters.

So yes, be extremely bold. Romanticise your life. Take the picture, write the journal, and wear the outfit. But when it comes to people, real people with real feelings, don’t just play the lead role. Be a co-star, a scene partner, a travel companion. Because the best stories are never the ones where we shine in isolation, it's the ones where we blossom together.