Who are you?
A rude question, perhaps. But think about it. Few people can hold a mirror to themselves and like what they see. That is one end of the spectrum. On the other end, some love what they see without any questions. I guess most belong to the latter group.
One more question before diving deep. In general, do you think in terms of ‘good for all’ or ‘good for oneself’ most of the time? The latter would be the answer for most. I would not blame them unless it is for all of the time.
This piece aims to bring to the fore the concepts of tolerance and acceptance. The premise is that one may not be able to love everyone but can tolerate most. Acceptance, even if partial, is the next level and may be difficult to achieve. Yet, it is better than nothing.
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Imagine a spectrum in which polarity dissolves into -------- (left blank, for now, for want of the correct word). By the end of this article, I am hoping to arrive at an apt word to fill in.
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Take a look at this illustration of the spectrum of human attitude. Every human is a product of his/her place of birth, the era, and, of course, genetics. Studies have proven that while genetics is a factor in the evolution of a person's personality traits, background also contributes significantly. The exposure brings out the best or worst or something in-between in a person. That is why you see different traits among siblings raised in the same household.
Having said that, let us now consider humanity's global context. This is important since we live in tumultuous times. Each nationality, civil group, neighborhood, family, and individual has an opinion, and most are unwilling to be flexible. The irony of this is that facts are facts, yet opinions are galore.
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Image by author
It seems like the world is facing an ‘identity crisis’. Nowadays, people believe (only) they are ‘right’ about everything. This is like the image shown, where four people see the numbers 6 and 9 from different angles. The numbers are the same, written slightly differently, but their viewpoints are varied. Most of the time, it is difficult to be in the shoes of another person. I call that a lack of emotional intelligence.
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An identity crisis is a personal, psychosocial conflict involving confusion about one's social role and self, leading to an insecure and unstable sense of identity. It is a crucial aspect of human development, enabling growth and critical questioning of beliefs and values.
The "identity crisis" is a common issue in pop culture, but it's harder to define for individuals. Identity is a subjective concept that includes memories, experiences, relationships, and values. These elements fit into our external circumstances, creating a sense of self and defining our way of life. When our blueprint is blurred or torn apart, we question ourselves and act out, which can occur due to trauma, career changes, divorce, or retirement. But do not lose hope. Awareness is key and the first step.
Are you frequently questioning if your values align with your work, relationships, or other aspects of your life, leading to uncertainty about the importance of daily activities? If not, you can begin today. I call it ‘structural thinking.' It is a given that you cannot change your place and time of birth, nor the family you were born into. In that sense, you are unique.
As an adult, over the last few years, the candid self-question-answer session has often helped me identify general satisfaction or discontent in my life and what to do about it. I have made changes in my attitude and behavior accordingly. The situation may not change entirely, but you will have the satisfaction of having done your best.
If you frequently change your values or inclinations to fit your environment or relationships, it may be normal. However, if you're unsure why you're acting in certain ways, it's a red flag. To refine your core values, consider redefining them by identifying what is most important to you and what values you want to uphold in your current life.
An identity crisis can lead to feelings of loss or aimlessness, making it difficult to answer questions about oneself. If you cannot identify yourself, who else can? Getting yourself out of any rut you think you are in is a step forward. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt once in a while. Keep yourself afloat.
Once one can identify as a unique human being (rather than restricting oneself as belonging to a small family/neighborhood/town/city and the like), it will be easier to step into the shoes of a global citizen and understand the hopes and fears of someone somewhere else in the world. Imagine if many people thought this way; that would be the Renaissance that the world now badly needs. An amalgamation of ideas and thoughts for mutual benefit—a mindful give-and-take—would serve the world better.
Human biology is still lagging behind technological advancements despite our remarkably similar ancestors from more than 100,000 years ago. Their core motivations are still rooted in the intricate dance of hormones within our bodies. Emotions sometimes get the better and take us in directions that we do not want to be in. Thinking calmly, without bias, can help with that.
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You will agree that there are a billion shades of opinion. How do we overcome/get along with each other in this premise? Each one of us has a responsibility. No one must push the other to take a stance they do not want to. It has to come from within. As a mixed bag of emotions, it is difficult to disentangle ourselves unless we cultivate self-awareness. Sadly, many of us live in self-delusion, unwilling to transform even a bit. The excuse is, ‘This is who I am’. The conviction is good except when your stance harms others.
Let me give you an example to make matters clearer. Imagine a house cat looking into a mirror. What it sees is a fierce tiger. This is what the cat wants to see, I would say, jokingly.
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Let us consider humans. They want to like themselves, but do not want to put in the effort.
Think of a frail, thin, haggardly man looking at his image in the mirror. What he (mentally) sees is a person, average-looking, with a wrestler's body. I have come across many men whose lives hinge on bravado, not real attributes. That is good unless it is overdone. Is it not wise to avoid backfiring from those around you? They may not tell you, but in their eyes, your value is likely to have gone down. This situation is particularly seen in ‘man-boys’ than ‘real men’. Bromance is tied to this in a big way.
A thin, curvy, young, beautiful lady sees herself as a fat ball of flesh in the mirror. This stems from her underlying wish to achieve perfection. It is a double-edged sword. On one hand she is half-pleased with herself and the other, she vies to become the ultimate icon of flawlessness. The notion that will win depends on the confidence level of person. Too much confidence is as bad as too little self-conviction.
It is good to get thinking and even crucify yourself on the barrage of emotions you feel. Discard the negatives and retain the positives. This involves considering not just yourself but also others. You could start with the question, "How am I being useful to myself and others?" The next question would be, "How am I being a nuisance to myself and others?" In other words, checks and balances should be in place and timely.
In the end, it is about supporting goodness over evil. But what if the answer is in between?
That is where conversations help. That is what civilized people do - get rid of misunderstandings before they snowball and become unmanageable.
Keeping away selfishness (‘I, Me, Mine, Only’) helps. Give and take—with reciprocity. Only if we want a better world. If we are satisfied with the status quo, then so be it. The next generation will suffer because of our stupidity and selfishness.
Finally…can we all move more to the centre to achieve peace and harmony? This involves moderating our behavior to a level that contributes positively to society's overall well-being. Can we adopt an androgynous nature of less anger, hatred, intolerance, and social conflicts? Androgyny is a combination of masculine and feminine traits, encompassing strength, gentleness, assertiveness, and nurturing qualities in an individual's personality. We could live happily ever after if we root out unwanted traits and biases.
We could be one world, one consciousness.
Yes, that is the word that should go into the blank space. Let me rewrite the statement.
Imagine a human spectrum in which polarity dissolves into consciousness...
I think it is time for me to leave you with your thoughts.
