The world of modern dating is fraught with uncertainty. Born out of perceived mutual attraction and, at times, the fear of lonesomeness, people aim to form a nexus of interests, a safe space for insecurities, vulnerability and an overall need for the various shapes intimacy takes. Navigating all this can be daunting, akin to blindly walking through a proverbial emotional minefield.
Oftentimes, the focus on discussions around relationships revolves around these factors, as they generally should. The soul of any relationship is the connection any two people have between them. However, relationships do not exist in isolation from the world around them. Social and economic factors, as well as the views on those factors that people dating will have.
In this article, we will aim to explore how sexism and implicit misogyny emerge in relationships. For the purpose of the article, the focus will be on traditional monogamous heterosexual relationships.
Sexism and Implicit Misogyny
Sexism and misogyny have made their way into the public lexicon as an extension of the current wave of feminism. Although most people already understand what these words mean, it is still important to define them in this article, and hopefully, this conversation moves forward.
Sexism is the discrimination or prejudice a person has based on another’s person’s gender. Although, in theory, this means that anyone can be sexist (and to a degree, a good portion of either gender tends to be), it often manifests in the perpetuation of patriarchal norms. Misogyny, on the other hand, is a more overt and intense version of the former, specifically towards women. It involves active disdain and hatred towards women and goes beyond simple (yet harmful) ideological beliefs like women are worse leaders than men. Misogyny, therefore, arises from reinforced sexist beliefs.
Implicit misogyny is, put simply, a toned-down version of classic misogyny. It is more similar to sexism but is not limited to a set of beliefs or worldviews as it does affect one's tendencies towards women, whether subconscious or not.
Misogyny and Sexism in Modern Dating
It seems almost to be a contradiction that people who harbour sexist and misogynist views would willingly seek relationships with women. Why would someone who, at best, does not have the best conceptions about women in certain fields or, at worst, does not see the value in women at all, want a romantic relationship with one? The oversimplified answer is that humans are a complex, intertwining web of contradictions and hypocrisies. However, when it comes to the affect of implicit misogyny on relationships and dating, there is a level of consistency that needs to be acknowledged.
For one, not every person approaches romantic relationships with a focus on pure, in-depth connections. This is not an indictment of the dating habits or morals prevalent in modern times but an acknowledgment of what happens in the day-to-day. This is relevant in understanding why someone’s negative perceptions of gender can easily carry into a relationship since the perceived intrinsic value of one’s partner, whether real or as a product of infatuation, is absent.
Needless to say, not every relationship impacted by sexist and misogynistic tendencies falls into the category of shallow relationships, this is simply a contributing factor in the modern dating landscape but not unique to it either. Historically, across cultures, marriage was not always on the basis of love, and that led to domestic violence and other forms of abuse.
However, even when there is a perceived connection with one’s inherent value, misogyny and sexism, if present, do tend to slip through the metaphorical cracks. This is partly because people who harbour sexist thoughts consider them to be unaccepted facts and treat these biases and thoughts as simple truths. These opinions and thoughts are not limited to the perceived inferiority or inadequacy of the ability of women. This can also manifest in other ways, such as the belief that women are manipulative or deceitful or an overemphasis on the idea of the fragility of women, which often strays from protective to patronising and even controlling.
Even when men (or women) explicitly endorse egalitarian views, implicit associations revealed via reaction‐time measures (such as the Implicit Association Test) often indicate underlying biases that can affect relationship behavior. These biases may manifest as reduced sensitivity to a partner’s emotional cues or a tendency to interpret ambiguous behavior in a negative, gendered light.
How Implicit Misogyny and Sexism Impact Relationships and Modern Dating
The effect that all of these have on dating and relationships is a myriad of negative experiences. On the lighter end of the spectrum are the impacts of mild but persistent sexist behaviour. These behaviour can initially appear as typical chivalrous acts but can sometimes devolve into traditional roles that fit in the architecture of patriarchal roles. Traditional roles alone are not an issue, but as explored by a study on Benevolent and Hostile Sexism, it can, in the broader sense they, often lead to limiting female agency and contribute to a culture of uneven power dynamics.
Another way that the impacts of sexism and misogyny on relationships take form is the dismissal of female thought and emotion in relationships. Needless to say, being dismissive of a communicative partner in relationships is cancerous to relationships. This damages the quality of the relationship. This, in most cases, leads to conflict and for people with misogynist leanings, this may be viewed as a challenge to what they believe is their authority and manhood. Aggression, controlling behaviour and domestic violence will likely arise in these situations.
Conclusion
The impacts of implicit misogyny and sexism in modern relationships are layered and problematic. The scars that women carry from failed relationships that were affected by either or both materialise in mistrust or, worse, in cases of violence. Whereas men, due to an environment that fosters negative attitudes towards women, will continuously fall short of being good partners. While the dynamics of gender relations viewed under the relationship microscope offers a new perspective, it should be reiterated that the main culprit is everyday misogynistic and sexist attitudes, whether it be explicit or implicit and until that problem is solved, it will continue to emerge in other spheres of life.
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